on your period (stupidfuckinghell) & need chocolate?

no you don't, you need cocoa powder & pam.

(that magic shit makes everything stick, it's like the low cal glue for food.)

apply pam to ricecake & top vigorously with cocoa powder & splenda. yum.

(damn i wish i had a camera.)

you cold & need quick hot chocolate?

carnation makes a great light one. 45cal for 3 heaping tbsp. (so a big mug of it is about 70.)

for creamier use unsweetend chocolate almond milk (40cal per cup) & you can cut it with water.

or just make your own from hot water/almond milk & cocoa powder+splenda.

can we tell who's having chocolate cravings?

today(so far) hasn't been nearly as bad as i've been recently, but still nowhere near good.
ricecake this morning to accompany cough syurup; 50.
piece of some chocolate candy thing from a friend at lunch; 10?
binge/purge when i got home; 300? (assuming hopefully i got rid of over 1000.)
lots of chai tea this evening; (almond milk in it) 20.
chocolate ricecake; 54.

if i don't have a bad binge purge one day i'll post it.

i can't wait to be able to have that every day.

why isn't it today?

alone day one.

muffin; 100?
apple; 60.

BINGE
2nd half of a block of cream cheese & box of crackers. 
some hummus.
two large bowls of cereal with almost a L of 2% milk.
the last 2/3 of a box of oatmeal cookies with hot chocolate.
chocolate granola bar.
PURGE

soy milk; 20.
salad; 40.
vegetable soup; 70.
orange juice; 70.
cough drops; 130.

total without binge/purge:  490.
with approximately 300 counted as binge/purge: 790.

* the highest thing i ate today was all the cough drops. 
damn my cold.
 

rice cake & jam; 55.
apple strudle granola bar; 120.
muffin (i made); 100?
chicken souvlaki & ketchup; 130.
salad; 95.
soy milk (in tea); 20.
orange juice; 65.
cough drops; 75.
pineapple; 30.

total: 690

WITH NO PURGING.

1/3 cup water + 7 extra-strong melatonin tablets (35g),

both taken throughout the day in attempt to sleep off a bad binge

=

 31 hours without food or movement &

one day of bad sleep.

sleeping away the pounds?
not a recommend weight loss method.

12:00pm fruit & nut granola bar; 140.

4:00pm strawberries; 60.
blueberries; 60.
cashews: 340.
fat-free chocolate pudding cup; 90.
5:00pm hot-chocolate hazelnut coffee; 17.

6:30pm a few restaurant sweet potato fries; 120?

11:30pm sweet potato; 330.

total: 1157.
DIDN'T PURGE!

coffee; 12.
fruit & nut granola bar; 150.
salad: 75.
rice & mixed vegetables; 160.
mixed nuts in toffee; 400?
a small potato & sour cream; 120.
rice cakes & unsweetened applesauce: 135.
yogurt; 60.
total: 1092.

a total of just under 1200.
ate a bowl of ice cream
purged it.
goodnight, staystrong.
page.

5:00pm-12:00am
chicken breast 200?
ketchup 100.
salad 150.
mixed veggies & corn 110.
cereal 110.
sweet potato rice crispy 62.
jello 20.
coffee 40.
oatmeal & applesauce 200.
chamomile tea with milk 40.
cinnamon toast 100.
total 1132.

five or six bowls of cereal
a cup of peanut butter
multiple bagels with all the trimmings
& about fifty other things in obscene quantities.
couldn't purge.
i think it about killed me.
don't over eat girls,
you gain three pounds in a day.

food is freaking me out.
i purged a lot yesterday, then ate a cucumber, which for some reason i purged too. oh bother.

solution: don't eat anything solid.
new diet: instant coffee, coke/poweraid zero, & tea.

staystrong ladies!
page.

i had a successful fasting day yesterday, until i binged & purged.

then the same cycle when i tried again today.

i'm such a horrible failure & i'm so sorry to anyone who was fasting with me whom i've let down.

i will try again. i will do better. i will be beautiful.

staystrong, page.

ps, for anyone who was successful, congrads for being spectacular.
& anyone else who wasn't, practice makes perfection.

fasting today away.

anyone like to join?

thank you to Thin_Envy for her support last time.

staystrong ladies.

Today's Diet

less than fifty calories in liquid & gum.

maybe that will make up for some of my recent damage?

it's three am, 

so far - 7 calories in a cup of coffee i had an hour ago.

wish me luck?

keep your tea close, staystrong ladies.

 

attempt on healthy;

 thursdays dinner

rice pilaf with steamed broccoli & chicken slovakia. 

fridays dinner

 lemon poppy-seed salad and veggies with leftover rice.

yum?

SO WHY CAN'T I STOP BINGING MY FUCKING ASS OFF.

i need to stop binging & purging.
i also need to stop gaining weight,
i'm becoming HUGE.
i'm working on a new diet plan, hope to post it soon!


staystrong lovelies,
page.

happy vegan day!
in honour of it, this is my new vegan month.
+ great thing about me being vegan, it that my binge/purge cycle always involves cereal & milk, & rarely involves veggies. so i don't see any purging in my near future!
downside: i've been craving eggs for awhile, guess i'll have to hold off on that for awhile.
upside: i had a great excuse for rejecting cookies & chocolate milk this morning.
i'll be posting recipes soon & when i get my phone figured out i'll start putting more pictures!


[vegan day one.]

10:30am sesame bread sticks; 30.

6:00pm pumpkin seeds; 50.

8:00pm veggie-wrap; 240.
apple with cinnamon; 80.
8:50pm tortilla chips with avocado; 199.
9:00pm rice cakes with applesause; 160.

11:00pm oatmeal with applesause; 150.

total: 909.
hey guess what? no purging. -smile-

extra: 2 decongestants, 2 advil+caffine, 1 multi-vitamin, 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin, 2 sleep-aids.

happy turkey day!

so this weekend involved:
a bithday party (cake&pizza), two family dinners (potatoes&turkey&salad), dessert (pie,pie,pie&icecream), meals that i don't have (breakfast&lunch).
& a tone more!
most of which was purged.
i'm really trying, but uhm  ...
let's just say the back of my right hand is covered with scratches that won't heal.
so apparently i can't stop. i have no self control.
but i'm trying.

today i will not purge.  today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. today i will not purge. 

10:30am egg whites with pepper & ketchup; 106.
strawberries; 30.

6:30pm cucumber with light ceasar dressing; 25.

10:30pm pickles; 8.
green beans; 45.
11:00pm stale mixed nuts; 120.

throughout the evening-morning:
hot chocolate hazelnut coffee with unsweetened chocolate almond milk; 40.

total: 374.
amazing what anger can do for the appetite.

sleep? not tonight if i can help it. just gotta say, last two posts were on no-sleep. i'm seeing a pattern. unfortunately it seems i only don't B/P on nights where i'm up.

not being able to take pictures of my food is really driving me mad;
so here's some thinspo instead.

so uhm - first things first.
i didn't sleep.
i was writing this politics paper .. & time kinda got away from me?
my alarm clock went off & i was still up on the computer writing .. so i've been up for ..
38.5 hours - WIDE AWAKE.
i'm still working on that politics paper, so when i get to around 41 consecutive hours awake i'll hopefully be in bed.
got to say, when i stay wide awake for over day, you get this rush, like fasting. though some people tend to have the negative side effect of binging, i think i'm stronger like this. mind you, i so cannot concentrate on anything for more than thirty seconds.
ANYWAYS - ON TO THE FOOD.

7:50am hot chocolate hazelnut coffee; 25.

11:50am broccoli & carrots; 35.

3:45pm hot chocolate; 40.
blueberries; 17.

5:50pm spinach salad; 50.
mashed potatoes & mixed veggies; 250.

7:00pm rice cakes & applesauce; 260.
hot chocolate hazelnut coffee; 25.

8:30pm light cranberry-pomegranate juice; 7.

snacks; 120.

total: 829.
& FULL.

10:00am white toast with margarine & jam; 215.

11:00am apple; 50.
11:20am honeycomb cereal with milk;160.

12:30pm peas with light ricotta & garlic; 130.

3:30-9:00pm hot chocolate & chai tea; 220.

7:30pm veggie burger with light mayonnaise & ketchup; 290.
spinach salad; 50.
8:00pm garlic bread; 120.

11:00pm pb&j wrap w/honey; 250.
so fucking hard not to purge that.
i wish so much that i never ate it.

total: 1435.
uhg.
as gross as that is, it's a quarter of what i was eating before,
even if i wasn't keeping any of that in,
my stomach is still way stretched out.
i feel sick all the time.