so uhm - first things first.
i didn't sleep.
i was writing this politics paper .. & time kinda got away from me?
my alarm clock went off & i was still up on the computer writing .. so i've been up for ..
38.5 hours - WIDE AWAKE.
i'm still working on that politics paper, so when i get to around 41 consecutive hours awake i'll hopefully be in bed.
got to say, when i stay wide awake for over day, you get this rush, like fasting. though some people tend to have the negative side effect of binging, i think i'm stronger like this. mind you, i so cannot concentrate on anything for more than thirty seconds.
ANYWAYS - ON TO THE FOOD.

7:50am hot chocolate hazelnut coffee; 25.

11:50am broccoli & carrots; 35.

3:45pm hot chocolate; 40.
blueberries; 17.

5:50pm spinach salad; 50.
mashed potatoes & mixed veggies; 250.

7:00pm rice cakes & applesauce; 260.
hot chocolate hazelnut coffee; 25.

8:30pm light cranberry-pomegranate juice; 7.

snacks; 120.

total: 829.
& FULL.

10:00am white toast with margarine & jam; 215.

11:00am apple; 50.
11:20am honeycomb cereal with milk;160.

12:30pm peas with light ricotta & garlic; 130.

3:30-9:00pm hot chocolate & chai tea; 220.

7:30pm veggie burger with light mayonnaise & ketchup; 290.
spinach salad; 50.
8:00pm garlic bread; 120.

11:00pm pb&j wrap w/honey; 250.
so fucking hard not to purge that.
i wish so much that i never ate it.

total: 1435.
uhg.
as gross as that is, it's a quarter of what i was eating before,
even if i wasn't keeping any of that in,
my stomach is still way stretched out.
i feel sick all the time.

woke up 2:00pm.

2:20pm white toast with margarine & jam; 215.
first time i've had bread without purging in forever, let alone white bread.
2:40pm steamed broccoli; 30.

3:30pm hot chocolate & coffee; 135.

7:20pm thin-crust spinach pizza; 315.
7:50pm unsweetened applesauce with cinnamon & flax; 120.

total: 815.

extra: 6 benadrly day cold, 2 cold-assist, 1 multi-vitamin, 1 anti-stress B+C vitamin.

down there? the post yesterday, the happy one?
FUCKING LIES.

i binged my ass off that night.

sandwiches, bowls of cereal, chips, food food food food food.

purged.

oh yeah, & i did that again today.
way-to-go page.

staystrong ladies.

FUCK YEAH - NO PURGING.
i still feel like maybe i should've.

12:00 light cranberry juice; 40.

2:00pm rice cake with light rasberry cream cheese; 50.
2:30pm oatmeal with applesause; 170.
2:40pm cinnamon-splenda toast; 140.

4:00pm strawberries; 20.

6:30pm ceasar salad; 23.
fish, french fries & ketchup; 420.
7:00pm rice cakes with light rasberry cream cheese & cinnamon; 135.

total: 998.

i guess that's still a lot, but compared to the 4000-5000's of calories i've been eating a day lately, i might actually have a chance at saving some money. ;)
being mia is expensive.

for the first time in FOREVER i
DIDN'T BINGE,
DIDN'T PURGE!
& i didn't eat until i had to at dinner too;
not too shabby eh.

i will start posting on here again;

but with my being away from my safe-haven of nutrition lables & all the purging,

it really is quite impossible.

still awake.

BINGE:
5:20am toast with jam & butter; 145.
blueberry muffin; 220.
special K with chocolate sauce & milk; 290.
peanut butter; 450.
PURGED.

sleep from 10:30am-2:20pm.
weight at 3:00pm; 102ish lbs.

3:10pm box of raisins; 30.

BINGE:
4:00pm oatmeal with apple; 180.
oatmeal with chocolate chips & milk; 575.
PURGED.

5:00pm toast with light strawberry cream cheese; 210.
chicken broth; 15.

6:30pm mini cucumbers & dip; 170.

1.5h walk. 20min buns&thighs workout. 20min abs workout.

BINGE:
9:20pm pb&j sandwiches; 980.
chocolate milk; 520.
peanut butter; 450.
PURGED.

102lbs when i woke up .. at 4:30pm.
goodjob with the sleeping pills page.

5:00pm mixed veggies; 140.
fish & ketchup; 220.

6:00pm three muffins & butter; 760.
PURGED.

9:00pm carrots, cucumber & dip; 120.

shaky - had to eat something.
1:00am soy milk & chocolate sauce; 65.
peas & corn; 130.


extra: 1 reactin. & a bunch of other vitamins.

was 105 lbs last night, 102.5 this morning.

4:10pm salad with light poppy seed dressing; 70.
mixed veggies; 120.
fish & ketchup; 400.
sweet potato fries & plum sauce; 280.

6:00pm light hot chocolate: 40.

8:50pm yogurt & raspberry sauce; 85.

total: 995.
with no purging!
extra: 1 paxil. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 multi-vitamins. 1 sudafed. 2 cold-assist.

11:30pm a lot of chocolate milk & a couple pb&j sandwiches.
PURGED.

time to sleep: 2 benedryl. 2 sleep-aids. 1 sudafed.
goodnight.

12:40pm three bowls of cereal & milk; 510.
peanut butter & jelly sandwich; 480.
light hot chocolate; 40.
PURGE.

6:00pm oatmeal; 130.
an apple; 80.

9:00pm carrots & light ceasar dressing; 105.

extra: a bunch of pills to be good & to go to sleep.
goodnight.

PURGED & PURGED & PURGED & PURGRD & PURGED.

it hurts.
my ears won't pop; haven't for months.
i'm never fufilled.
i want out of mia.

fasting tomorrow.
wish me luck?

11:30am white rice & light catalina dressing; 225.
light hot choclate with hazelnut coffee; 30.

7:20pm sugar-free rasberry jello; 24.
7:40pm perogies & peas with cheeses; 275.
cesar salad; 45.
8:10pm crispy minis sour cream & onion rice chips; 110.
special K with chocolate milk; 115
light hot chocolate; 45
Purged a bit.

9:20pm applesause with flax seed & cinnamon; 360.
Purged a bit.


extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 multi-vitamins. 3 cold-assist. 4 sudafed. 2 tetracycline.

so then i ate a bounty bar,
& hot chocolate.
a half a jumbo box of special K drenched in chocolate syrup & 2% milk.
PURGEPURGEPURGEPURGEPURGE.

therefore i take a long bath & decide i deserve nothing but water if that for the next thirty-six hours.

only when i get out i eat
two pb&j sandwiches heavy on the peanut butter,
along-side two mugs of hot chocolate so i can
PURGEPURGEPURGE.

so i'm a failure.

so i ended my fast early,
horrible stomach ache & had to eat something.
makes sense i guess when this & a few advil+caffeine was my breakfast.
(stupid red pill demands to be taken with food, hence the two crackers. apparently that's not enough.)



after my dinner, i gave into a huge BINGE - PURGE & it all went to hell.
so my apologies, empty is strong, but i'm not.

i would try for the second half of this fast, but i might be spending the day with lucy tomorrow.
ok, no food until then, zero calorie drinks only, more exercise & no snacking tomorrow!

night.

ate at
11:30pm (yesterday) - 12:30am (today)
ginger cookies & soy milk; 298.
carrots & dip; 60.

fast with athanasy.
her's is 48h, i'm trying for 24h, possibly 36h.
i'm eating tea, water, coke zero & gum.
starting at 1:00am.

staystrong,
page.

< ok, so i broke that rule on the first day ..
* edited.

11:30am french toast; 158.
blueberries; 70.

1:30pm smartfood popcorn; 435.
tried to PURGE a bit ..

4:30pm a bit of some awful casserole; 150.
tuna & peas; 142.
fish sticks & ketchup; 200.
5:00pm ice cream sunday; 530.
PURGED.

BINGE.
7:oopm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 550.
PURGE.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist.


< size="2">" i can't eat that. "
" why not? "
" .. the yams are touching the cheese & it's got thyme in it. "
" thyme is like sage. "
" i don't like sage. thing's are still touching .. "
" it'll taste like stuffing! "
" i hate stuffing. "
" oh .. right. "

11:30am yogurt; 35.
croissant & light strawberry cream cheese; 145.
blueberries 30.

3:45pm low-fat frozen yogurt kiddie cone; 320?
4:20pm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 510.
tried to PURGE but didn't work ..

total: 1040.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist. 2 cold medicine.

* edited

2:00pm low calorie french toast; 200.
blueberries; 30.

7:00pm peas & tuna; 278.
croissants & light strawberry cream cheese; 267.
croissant & hot dog with cheese & ketchup (ew); 161.
more peas & tuna; 128.

total: 1064.

10:00pm blueberry bagels with margarine; 580.
PURGED.
11:00pm ice cream & chocolate sause; 630.
PURGED.

[total: 2274?]

9:00pm-10:45pm carnival snacking
swedish berries; 210.
cashews; 400.
root beer; 52.
kettle corn; 120.
11:00pm PURGED.

total: 782.
fucking cashews; never eating them again.

extra: 1 benadryl & 2 sleep-aids (to sleep the day away).

happy canada day.

* edited.

1:30pm slushie from convenience store; 320.

mother made dinner & she knew i haddn't eaten.
9:30pm peas(60), pasta(80), chicken(100), cheese(40), ketchup(25); 325.
ginger cookies(140) & soy milk(30); 170
bounty chocolate bar; 270.

total: 1085.

binged; 350.

total: 1435.