for the first time in FOREVER i
DIDN'T BINGE,
DIDN'T PURGE!
& i didn't eat until i had to at dinner too;
not too shabby eh.

i will start posting on here again;

but with my being away from my safe-haven of nutrition lables & all the purging,

it really is quite impossible.

still awake.

BINGE:
5:20am toast with jam & butter; 145.
blueberry muffin; 220.
special K with chocolate sauce & milk; 290.
peanut butter; 450.
PURGED.

sleep from 10:30am-2:20pm.
weight at 3:00pm; 102ish lbs.

3:10pm box of raisins; 30.

BINGE:
4:00pm oatmeal with apple; 180.
oatmeal with chocolate chips & milk; 575.
PURGED.

5:00pm toast with light strawberry cream cheese; 210.
chicken broth; 15.

6:30pm mini cucumbers & dip; 170.

1.5h walk. 20min buns&thighs workout. 20min abs workout.

BINGE:
9:20pm pb&j sandwiches; 980.
chocolate milk; 520.
peanut butter; 450.
PURGED.

102lbs when i woke up .. at 4:30pm.
goodjob with the sleeping pills page.

5:00pm mixed veggies; 140.
fish & ketchup; 220.

6:00pm three muffins & butter; 760.
PURGED.

9:00pm carrots, cucumber & dip; 120.

shaky - had to eat something.
1:00am soy milk & chocolate sauce; 65.
peas & corn; 130.


extra: 1 reactin. & a bunch of other vitamins.

was 105 lbs last night, 102.5 this morning.

4:10pm salad with light poppy seed dressing; 70.
mixed veggies; 120.
fish & ketchup; 400.
sweet potato fries & plum sauce; 280.

6:00pm light hot chocolate: 40.

8:50pm yogurt & raspberry sauce; 85.

total: 995.
with no purging!
extra: 1 paxil. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 multi-vitamins. 1 sudafed. 2 cold-assist.

11:30pm a lot of chocolate milk & a couple pb&j sandwiches.
PURGED.

time to sleep: 2 benedryl. 2 sleep-aids. 1 sudafed.
goodnight.

12:40pm three bowls of cereal & milk; 510.
peanut butter & jelly sandwich; 480.
light hot chocolate; 40.
PURGE.

6:00pm oatmeal; 130.
an apple; 80.

9:00pm carrots & light ceasar dressing; 105.

extra: a bunch of pills to be good & to go to sleep.
goodnight.

PURGED & PURGED & PURGED & PURGRD & PURGED.

it hurts.
my ears won't pop; haven't for months.
i'm never fufilled.
i want out of mia.

fasting tomorrow.
wish me luck?

11:30am white rice & light catalina dressing; 225.
light hot choclate with hazelnut coffee; 30.

7:20pm sugar-free rasberry jello; 24.
7:40pm perogies & peas with cheeses; 275.
cesar salad; 45.
8:10pm crispy minis sour cream & onion rice chips; 110.
special K with chocolate milk; 115
light hot chocolate; 45
Purged a bit.

9:20pm applesause with flax seed & cinnamon; 360.
Purged a bit.


extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 multi-vitamins. 3 cold-assist. 4 sudafed. 2 tetracycline.

so then i ate a bounty bar,
& hot chocolate.
a half a jumbo box of special K drenched in chocolate syrup & 2% milk.
PURGEPURGEPURGEPURGEPURGE.

therefore i take a long bath & decide i deserve nothing but water if that for the next thirty-six hours.

only when i get out i eat
two pb&j sandwiches heavy on the peanut butter,
along-side two mugs of hot chocolate so i can
PURGEPURGEPURGE.

so i'm a failure.

so i ended my fast early,
horrible stomach ache & had to eat something.
makes sense i guess when this & a few advil+caffeine was my breakfast.
(stupid red pill demands to be taken with food, hence the two crackers. apparently that's not enough.)



after my dinner, i gave into a huge BINGE - PURGE & it all went to hell.
so my apologies, empty is strong, but i'm not.

i would try for the second half of this fast, but i might be spending the day with lucy tomorrow.
ok, no food until then, zero calorie drinks only, more exercise & no snacking tomorrow!

night.

ate at
11:30pm (yesterday) - 12:30am (today)
ginger cookies & soy milk; 298.
carrots & dip; 60.

fast with athanasy.
her's is 48h, i'm trying for 24h, possibly 36h.
i'm eating tea, water, coke zero & gum.
starting at 1:00am.

staystrong,
page.

< ok, so i broke that rule on the first day ..
* edited.

11:30am french toast; 158.
blueberries; 70.

1:30pm smartfood popcorn; 435.
tried to PURGE a bit ..

4:30pm a bit of some awful casserole; 150.
tuna & peas; 142.
fish sticks & ketchup; 200.
5:00pm ice cream sunday; 530.
PURGED.

BINGE.
7:oopm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 550.
PURGE.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist.


< size="2">" i can't eat that. "
" why not? "
" .. the yams are touching the cheese & it's got thyme in it. "
" thyme is like sage. "
" i don't like sage. thing's are still touching .. "
" it'll taste like stuffing! "
" i hate stuffing. "
" oh .. right. "

11:30am yogurt; 35.
croissant & light strawberry cream cheese; 145.
blueberries 30.

3:45pm low-fat frozen yogurt kiddie cone; 320?
4:20pm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 510.
tried to PURGE but didn't work ..

total: 1040.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist. 2 cold medicine.

* edited

2:00pm low calorie french toast; 200.
blueberries; 30.

7:00pm peas & tuna; 278.
croissants & light strawberry cream cheese; 267.
croissant & hot dog with cheese & ketchup (ew); 161.
more peas & tuna; 128.

total: 1064.

10:00pm blueberry bagels with margarine; 580.
PURGED.
11:00pm ice cream & chocolate sause; 630.
PURGED.

[total: 2274?]

9:00pm-10:45pm carnival snacking
swedish berries; 210.
cashews; 400.
root beer; 52.
kettle corn; 120.
11:00pm PURGED.

total: 782.
fucking cashews; never eating them again.

extra: 1 benadryl & 2 sleep-aids (to sleep the day away).

happy canada day.

* edited.

1:30pm slushie from convenience store; 320.

mother made dinner & she knew i haddn't eaten.
9:30pm peas(60), pasta(80), chicken(100), cheese(40), ketchup(25); 325.
ginger cookies(140) & soy milk(30); 170
bounty chocolate bar; 270.

total: 1085.

binged; 350.

total: 1435.

* edited

3:00am two coconut-lime cookies; 93
dark chocolate herseys kiss; 20

11:30am special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.

6:00pm spinach & calorie wise creamy poppy seed dressing; 45.
grilled chicken(130) sandwich with cheese(150), light margarine, light mayonnaise(135) & whole wheat bread(180); 620.
PURGED.
light hot chocolate; 30.
PURGED.

8:00pm light strawberry cream cheese in crescent rolls; 200.

total: 1268.

10:30pm special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 300.
light strawberry cream cheese in crescent rolls; 140.
PURGEPURGEPURGEPURGE.

total: 1708.

extra: 1 advil+caffeine. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 1 vitamin E. 2 tetracycline.

salad in my new bowl & crescents in my new heart baking cups.

*edited

was fasting, but mother came home early & i had to eat dinner.

6:30pm caesar salad; 20.
grilled chicken breast & ketchup; 90.
peas & corn; 80.
sweet potato fries & plum sauce; 200.

total: 390.

9:00pm peas & corn; 80.
peas & cheese; 100
fruit bars; 360.
PURGED.

total: 930.
(fuck.)

extra: 2 tetracycline. 2 advil+caffeine. 1 benadryl (out like a light). 1 vitamin E. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin.

* edited.

11:30am special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.
purge a bit.

2:45pm mcdonalds junior chicken sandwich ketchup only; 300.
two extra large coke zeros.

7:00pm snacks (asian cracker things, icecream drumstick, rice crispy, golden oreo sippers); 450.
9:00pm spinach & calorie wise creamy poppy seed dressing; 65.
orange juice; 30.
cookies; 95.

total: 1200.

11:45pm special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.

total: 1460.

extra: 1 Paxil. 1 anti-stress vitamin.

2:00-5:00pm one medium pizza; 1640.

four nestea zeros & four glasses of water.

half a bag of chips; 400.

purge a bit.

7:45pm juice; 450.

8:15pm PurgePurgePurgePurgePurge.

total: 2490.

extra: 1 advil+caffeine. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin.
walk for an hour, longboard for three. running around all day. half an hour of exercise in evening.

one of those pizzas;

1:00pm cheerios & cinnamon; 77.
two cans of nestea zero.

6:00pm hot dog with ketchup & relish; 250(?).
7:30pm movie popcorn; 375.
large coke zero.
Purged as much as one can in a movie theater washroom.
bounty chocolate bar; 338.

11:00pm multigrain cheerios with cinnamon & soy milk; 180.
unsweetened applesauce with flax & cinnamon; 110.
pb&j sandwich; 400.
peanut butter with splenda & cinnamon; 340.
light hot chocolate; 45.
Purged.

total: 2115.
crapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

extra: 1 tetracycline. 1 Paxil. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 advil+caffeine. 

*however i would like to note that i did almost pass out (again) at noon. dam am i ever iron deficient. i need a new supplement for that. but in the mean time food makes me stand a little straighter.
but Paxil - makes me a little loopy, a little off, & a whole lot of itchy & twitchy. only to used in emergency's of depression.
-excusesexcusesexcuses.-