12:40pm three bowls of cereal & milk; 510.
peanut butter & jelly sandwich; 480.
light hot chocolate; 40.
PURGE.

6:00pm oatmeal; 130.
an apple; 80.

9:00pm carrots & light ceasar dressing; 105.

extra: a bunch of pills to be good & to go to sleep.
goodnight.

PURGED & PURGED & PURGED & PURGRD & PURGED.

it hurts.
my ears won't pop; haven't for months.
i'm never fufilled.
i want out of mia.

fasting tomorrow.
wish me luck?

11:30am white rice & light catalina dressing; 225.
light hot choclate with hazelnut coffee; 30.

7:20pm sugar-free rasberry jello; 24.
7:40pm perogies & peas with cheeses; 275.
cesar salad; 45.
8:10pm crispy minis sour cream & onion rice chips; 110.
special K with chocolate milk; 115
light hot chocolate; 45
Purged a bit.

9:20pm applesause with flax seed & cinnamon; 360.
Purged a bit.


extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 multi-vitamins. 3 cold-assist. 4 sudafed. 2 tetracycline.

so then i ate a bounty bar,
& hot chocolate.
a half a jumbo box of special K drenched in chocolate syrup & 2% milk.
PURGEPURGEPURGEPURGEPURGE.

therefore i take a long bath & decide i deserve nothing but water if that for the next thirty-six hours.

only when i get out i eat
two pb&j sandwiches heavy on the peanut butter,
along-side two mugs of hot chocolate so i can
PURGEPURGEPURGE.

so i'm a failure.

so i ended my fast early,
horrible stomach ache & had to eat something.
makes sense i guess when this & a few advil+caffeine was my breakfast.
(stupid red pill demands to be taken with food, hence the two crackers. apparently that's not enough.)



after my dinner, i gave into a huge BINGE - PURGE & it all went to hell.
so my apologies, empty is strong, but i'm not.

i would try for the second half of this fast, but i might be spending the day with lucy tomorrow.
ok, no food until then, zero calorie drinks only, more exercise & no snacking tomorrow!

night.

ate at
11:30pm (yesterday) - 12:30am (today)
ginger cookies & soy milk; 298.
carrots & dip; 60.

fast with athanasy.
her's is 48h, i'm trying for 24h, possibly 36h.
i'm eating tea, water, coke zero & gum.
starting at 1:00am.

staystrong,
page.

< ok, so i broke that rule on the first day ..
* edited.

11:30am french toast; 158.
blueberries; 70.

1:30pm smartfood popcorn; 435.
tried to PURGE a bit ..

4:30pm a bit of some awful casserole; 150.
tuna & peas; 142.
fish sticks & ketchup; 200.
5:00pm ice cream sunday; 530.
PURGED.

BINGE.
7:oopm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 550.
PURGE.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist.


< size="2">" i can't eat that. "
" why not? "
" .. the yams are touching the cheese & it's got thyme in it. "
" thyme is like sage. "
" i don't like sage. thing's are still touching .. "
" it'll taste like stuffing! "
" i hate stuffing. "
" oh .. right. "

11:30am yogurt; 35.
croissant & light strawberry cream cheese; 145.
blueberries 30.

3:45pm low-fat frozen yogurt kiddie cone; 320?
4:20pm margarine soaked blueberry bagels; 510.
tried to PURGE but didn't work ..

total: 1040.

extra: 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 1 vitamin E. 1 reactin. 1 cold-assist. 2 cold medicine.

* edited

2:00pm low calorie french toast; 200.
blueberries; 30.

7:00pm peas & tuna; 278.
croissants & light strawberry cream cheese; 267.
croissant & hot dog with cheese & ketchup (ew); 161.
more peas & tuna; 128.

total: 1064.

10:00pm blueberry bagels with margarine; 580.
PURGED.
11:00pm ice cream & chocolate sause; 630.
PURGED.

[total: 2274?]

9:00pm-10:45pm carnival snacking
swedish berries; 210.
cashews; 400.
root beer; 52.
kettle corn; 120.
11:00pm PURGED.

total: 782.
fucking cashews; never eating them again.

extra: 1 benadryl & 2 sleep-aids (to sleep the day away).

happy canada day.

* edited.

1:30pm slushie from convenience store; 320.

mother made dinner & she knew i haddn't eaten.
9:30pm peas(60), pasta(80), chicken(100), cheese(40), ketchup(25); 325.
ginger cookies(140) & soy milk(30); 170
bounty chocolate bar; 270.

total: 1085.

binged; 350.

total: 1435.

* edited

3:00am two coconut-lime cookies; 93
dark chocolate herseys kiss; 20

11:30am special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.

6:00pm spinach & calorie wise creamy poppy seed dressing; 45.
grilled chicken(130) sandwich with cheese(150), light margarine, light mayonnaise(135) & whole wheat bread(180); 620.
PURGED.
light hot chocolate; 30.
PURGED.

8:00pm light strawberry cream cheese in crescent rolls; 200.

total: 1268.

10:30pm special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 300.
light strawberry cream cheese in crescent rolls; 140.
PURGEPURGEPURGEPURGE.

total: 1708.

extra: 1 advil+caffeine. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 1 vitamin E. 2 tetracycline.

salad in my new bowl & crescents in my new heart baking cups.

*edited

was fasting, but mother came home early & i had to eat dinner.

6:30pm caesar salad; 20.
grilled chicken breast & ketchup; 90.
peas & corn; 80.
sweet potato fries & plum sauce; 200.

total: 390.

9:00pm peas & corn; 80.
peas & cheese; 100
fruit bars; 360.
PURGED.

total: 930.
(fuck.)

extra: 2 tetracycline. 2 advil+caffeine. 1 benadryl (out like a light). 1 vitamin E. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin.

* edited.

11:30am special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.
purge a bit.

2:45pm mcdonalds junior chicken sandwich ketchup only; 300.
two extra large coke zeros.

7:00pm snacks (asian cracker things, icecream drumstick, rice crispy, golden oreo sippers); 450.
9:00pm spinach & calorie wise creamy poppy seed dressing; 65.
orange juice; 30.
cookies; 95.

total: 1200.

11:45pm special K, mulitgrain cheerios & soy milk with cinnamon; 260.

total: 1460.

extra: 1 Paxil. 1 anti-stress vitamin.

2:00-5:00pm one medium pizza; 1640.

four nestea zeros & four glasses of water.

half a bag of chips; 400.

purge a bit.

7:45pm juice; 450.

8:15pm PurgePurgePurgePurgePurge.

total: 2490.

extra: 1 advil+caffeine. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin.
walk for an hour, longboard for three. running around all day. half an hour of exercise in evening.

one of those pizzas;

1:00pm cheerios & cinnamon; 77.
two cans of nestea zero.

6:00pm hot dog with ketchup & relish; 250(?).
7:30pm movie popcorn; 375.
large coke zero.
Purged as much as one can in a movie theater washroom.
bounty chocolate bar; 338.

11:00pm multigrain cheerios with cinnamon & soy milk; 180.
unsweetened applesauce with flax & cinnamon; 110.
pb&j sandwich; 400.
peanut butter with splenda & cinnamon; 340.
light hot chocolate; 45.
Purged.

total: 2115.
crapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

extra: 1 tetracycline. 1 Paxil. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 advil+caffeine. 

*however i would like to note that i did almost pass out (again) at noon. dam am i ever iron deficient. i need a new supplement for that. but in the mean time food makes me stand a little straighter.
but Paxil - makes me a little loopy, a little off, & a whole lot of itchy & twitchy. only to used in emergency's of depression.
-excusesexcusesexcuses.-

2:00pm chicken broth; 15.
crackers & hummus; 95.
3:30pm unsweetened applesauce with flax & cinnamon; 90.
4:20pm half a piece of toast & light strawberry cream cheese; 85.
5:20pm bowl of carrots with splenda & calorie wise catalina dressing; 95.
6:00pm a mug of light hot chocolate; 55.
7:00pm half of a pb&j sandwich; 165.
8:00pm two pieces of peperonie pizza; 440.
8:50pm dark chocolate & an apple; 260.

total: 1330.

extra: 2 tetracycline. 2 advil+caffeine. 1 vitamin E. 1 B+C anti-stress vitamin. 2 3 sleep aids.

got depressed & disappeared.

i'll try to not let that happen again.

breakfast for like the first time in a year.
7:45am medium carrot muffin; 195.
orange juice; 30.

lunch a friend gave me.
12:00pm onguri? (rice & stuff in asian form); 170(?)

tea at greens.
4:00pm chai; 70.
 his mom fed me.
6:30 tiny piece of spinach pizza; 160(?)
bite of carrot cake; 60(?)
pink lemonaid; 30(?)

when i got home.
10:15pm peas with pasta; 300.
orange juice; 40.
binged.
10:40pm three chocolate chip muffins with extra chocolate chips & butter; 700.
granola bar, with extra chocolate; 150.
milk; 50.
apple & melted chocolate; 150.
hot chocolate; 45.
(i think i might have a problem with chocolate.)
PURGED.

12:00pm filipino sugar snacks; 100(?).

5:15pm monster salad; 100.
corn; 80(?).
small chocolate chip muffin; 210.

6:00pm multigrain cheerios & 2% milk; 320.
total 810.

7:15pm blueberry smoothy; 110.
7:30pm hot chocolate; 45.
total 965.

8:30pm hot chocolate; 45.

9:30pm hot chocolate; 45

total 1055.

high for my liking, but it's the first day i haven't purged in awhile.
-little victory dance.-

first day of a new month.

i better not fuck this one up.